The busy just keep getting busier!

UPDATE:
Doctor recommending hysterectomy, hoping to get it scheduled tomorrow!

Hello out there! I know I am always apologizing for not posting as often as I used too. So why should this week be any different! I just seems to keep getting busier & busier! We have a lot coming up in the next couple weeks...oh wait make that months! S-Man starts back to school in just one more week! I can't believe he is fixing to be in first grade!!! We go Thursday night to meet his teacher & see where his classroom is! I am excited, he is nervous! My child hates change!!!! He likes to be familiar with things & this is all new! Hopefully he will be better by the time school actually starts!

The other big thing going on for me right now is I have more cyst again on my ovary! The last few weeks I have been hurting more & more. Then last Saturday it got really bad, so Monday afternoon I went for an ultrasound. And sure enough 2 cyst, one that had started to rupture & another that was just there! You remember from this post that this is not the first time I have had to deal with all this! And then there was this post all about how the surgery I had in March was supposed to help. Oh well at least we can say we gave it a try! I am going Monday morning to see my doctor & figure out what to do next. I am definitely ready to just do they hysterectomy & be done with it all. I am so tired of this & can't keep living this way in constant pain! I am seeing a naturalist doctor in 2 weeks to see about the possibilities of doing alternative medicine for hormone replacement. That has been my biggest fear as far as doing the hysterectomy, just not know what the long term effects of these drugs could be. I hoping she can shed some light on this for me! So that's what's going on in our world these days, hope things are better for you all. I will post more after seeing the doctor tomorrow & then will definitely have pics up next week of S-Man's first day of first grade!!!!! Have a blessed week!!!!

Surgery update!

Hey ladies just a quick update to let you know I survived! I have spent all day in bed, in & out of consciousness. I will probably be that way at least tomorrow too! Surgery went fine, no problems, he did find a some endometrial adhesion's on my bowel that he had to remove, which means the endometriosis has obviously spread to other organs. (I am not sure what all that means yet!) And also it was found that I have Adenomyosis Endometriosis, which from what I have figure out so far means that I have a very severe case of Endometriosis. Meaning my doctor might have not been able to get all of the cells during the ablation because of how deep it is in my uterus. It's basically just a wait & see, hoping this still helps! Thank you all so much for your prayers & support! I will try to update again tomorrow or Friday!

Doctors Appt

Why is it things never work out the way you planned?

Yep you guessed it, I still have 2 cyst on my ovary. They are smaller but not by much, which my doctor said is a good thing because that tells us that it's not cancer! CANCER? Excuse me no one told me CANCER? Apparently if you have PCOS you are at a high risk for ovarian cancer! Geez! So my options...

*Lupron-A shot that basically puts your body into menopause to make you stop ovulation, which intern stops the build of endometriosis & from cyst forming! I did this 8 yrs ago, it was one of the first things I tried, & it didn't work for me. The cyst I had ended up doubling in size & I had to have the ovary removed because the blood supply was cut off to it due to the cyst wrapping around it. So I am thinking that's not the best option for me.

*Drain the cyst & possibly do a endometrial oblation along with tying my tubes. That is the more conservative surgical option because it means I keep the ovary. However the ablation will not affect having cyst again. So basically I could be right back in there in 2 months or so with more cyst.

*Total Hysterectomy-Which would then mean hormone replacement therapy along with who knows what other side effects. This is the option my doc is recommending, due to the fact that I spend a good majority of the month in bed popping pain pills.

Basically I am headed for a hysterectomy no matter what I do, it's either now or later! I just don't know what to do. The GD says it's totally my decision, my Mom doesn't want me to have the hysterectomy, my bff says get it over with because I am in so much pain. I just don't know what the right decision is. Trust me when I am in the throws of this, I say take it all, but is that the right choice. Is there a right choice? AHHHHHHHHHH! Why can't the answer just be written out in stars in the night sky or something?

NMM

Oh what joy, my favorite day of the week, Monday! The day when I get to confess tell you about all the things I most certainly did not do this week! Be sure & hop over to MckMama's blog to get in on all the NMM fun! I am so glad she started this blog carnival, it's so therapeutic! So now without further ta-do...

*First & foremost I am not soooooooooooooo excited for tonight's The Bachelor final rose, AFR (after the final rose), & tomorrow night's AFR 2! I am not so wrapped up in this show, that I get an escape every Monday night! Part of me is not totally bummed that this is our last week & I won't have my Monday night break anymore! I love my family dearly & never ever want to be away from them!

*Yesterday morning we did not wake up to find it snowing! Nope we didn't because we live in the south & it never snows here! And even if we did I wouldn't take a hundred pictures of the boys playing in it & post my favorites here! I do not look at anything that happens in my life & immediately ask...

"Can I blog about this?" Nope not me!

*I am not going to the doctor today for my follow up ultrasound, to find out if the cyst are still there & if I will need to have surgery. I am not dreading the fact that he is probably going to want to do surgery. And until Saturday I would not have been fine with that! No really I would have been, because if it helped it was worth it. But then my Mom called & told me about my Mee-Mee, & now I am dreading him wanting to do surgery. Why? Because I need to be able to pick up & leave at a moments notice. So I am not praying that they cyst are gone & for a miracle for my Mee-Mee.

Because my God is absolutely in the miracle-making-business!!!!

Okay that's it, sorry to end on a more serious note! I will update later about how the appt went! Please pray! And jump in & let me know what you did not do this week!

Update & prayer request

What a weekend we have had! We had some bad weather this weekend, thankfully we had no damage & no tornado's. But we did have to get into our "safe place" multiple times! I have lived here almost 7 yrs & I am still not used to that & don't think I will ever be!

----------------------------

Monday afternoon I have my follow up ultrasound & doctors appt to find out if the cyst are still there. Although I can pretty much guarantee they are, because I have been in a LOT of pain this weekend. At this point I am really hoping they rupture before my appt because if not I know my doc is going to want to do surgery. Which wouldn't be horrible if it could help but I want to avoid it if at all possible! Plus I don't have time for this! My Mom & Aunt are supposed to be coming up for a visit in 3 weeks & to celebrate D-D's 3rd birthday! I have a party to plan & my sweet baby boy's birthday to celebrate, who has time for me in all that?

----------------------------

Now I know that it seems like I am constantly coming to you with prayer request, but I have another one! I got a call from my Mom today that my grandmother is having double vision, so she went to her eye doctor & then had an MRI on Friday! They haven't gotten the results yet, but her eye doctor thinks she had a mini stroke. She also is on 4 blood pressure medicines & her pressure is still extremely high. My whole family is worried & so am I. And it's so hard to be 8 hrs away from all of them & not know what to do. I spent the better part of the afternoon crying my eyes out. I am very close to my grandparents, they are like second parents to me. My Mom & I lived with them for almost 3 yrs after my biological father left us, so they helped raised me. Please, please pray for her & for my family. I am not ready to let her go, not that I would ever be. And please pray for me to know what to do. I really wanted to just get in the car & head down there but I don't know what is the right thing to do. My Mom & Aunt said to just wait until we get the results, but I am so afraid...what if something happens before then & we weren't there to see her. One of my greatest fears is that I won't get to say goodbye to them, that I would be too late. Yes I know that I will see them again one day & I know that they will be met at the gate hearing "Well done thy good & faithful servant." I know this because my grandparents are the best people there are. They are the most loving, caring, giving people I know. All of these reasons & more are why I am not ready.... So again I am asking for your prayers! Thank you my friends!

Not quite Wordless Wednesday

What a day! Oh what a day! I guess I shouldn't complain it's nothing horrific just a long day & it's only 3! Monday night D-D started coughing, so Tuesday mid-morning I called the doctor to get him in. They didn't have any appt yesterday that didn't interfere with picking up S-Man, so that meant waiting until this morning! I even called back yesterday around 1 to see if they had any cancellations, but no such luck! I just knew from the sound of the cough we were headed for another ear infection. So this morning D-D & I headed off to the doctor & sure enough it's a double ear infection & bad wheezing. They did a breathing treatment there & a px for more & an antibiotic. My brave little man though was so sweet & sat there through the whole breathing treatment & did SO good! I am so proud of him! He even fell asleep while doing the treatment! See...

So after doing the treatment we headed over to get the px, waited 30 min & they said the doctor's office still hadn't called anything in. I drove back to the office (which was just 3 min away) & had them write it out for me. The nurse there said she had just gotten off the phone with them & they had kept her on hold for 10 min! I mean hello, you know I am waiting but you keep the doctors office on hold?!?!?! So anyway by the time I get back to the pharmacy, they of course had it! I run through Chick-fil-A to grab us something to eat because we are both quite hungry & I have a splitting headache! Then I am driving over to my bff, She-She, to get her nebulizer, which oh my goodness thank God (literally) that she had one so I didn't have to spend another $100 on that too! I am doing all this just trying to get home because we are under the treat of severe weather today! Thankfully I have a WONDERFUL friend Angie that goes to our church, & her daughter happens to be in S-Man's class that I asked if she could pick him up & take him to church with them! Blessedly (is that a word?) she said of course & we finally got home about 1:45. WHEW! So there's our day! D-D is sleeping right now & when he wakes up it's time for another breathing treatment! Hopefully he will be better soon & prayerfully we won't get any bad weather! Thanks for listening, not that I gave you much choice huh?

So much for Wordless Wednesday!

Bad day...very bad day

Can I just start by saying, I am so mad. Yes I said it, I am MAD. It has been a horrible day, horrible I tell you. Let me back up...Saturday night I started having really bad cramps with stabbing pain as well. Immediately I knew what it was, it was the same pain I had 8 yrs ago when I was first diagnosed with endometriosis & had cyst on my right ovary. That lead to multiple surgeries & eventually loosing that ovary. So you can imagine the fear that was ripping through me, along with the pain. It was some what better Sunday morning but by Sunday night I was hurting again. Now mind you I was on several Darvocet & I was still balled up in the fetal position. So first thing this morning I called my OBGYN (whom I love dearly & trust totally!) & they had me come in for an ultrasound...the verdict...

3 CYST on my left ovary & a lot of fluid around it meaning one had already ruptured.

And based on the amount of fluid it was a big one. Great just great. 3 CYST, 3!!!!!

So my options are to stay on the pill & check back next month to see if they are gone or what. The other option is surgery, I have had way to many surgeries in my lifetime I don't want to have another if I don't have too. So I choose the first option, knowing of course I might end up having to do surgery anyway. He also gave me Loratab (the good stuff) to help with the pain, because he said I will be in a lot of it, considering the cyst have to go somewhere!

Great just freakin great!

Okay I am going to stop complaining now & be thankful. I truly am thankful for my boys, for a husband that loves me in spite of all this crap, for the fact that yes this is painful but it's not cancer or something that could kill me. For the fact that my children are healthy & are not suffering from some terrible disease! And for all of these things & so much more I am thankful. But ladies, again I am asking for prayers. I fear it's going to be a rough few weeks & then I don't even know what's going to happen eventually. But I do know beyond a shadow of doubt that my God is control & He loves me!

Jer 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It's my blog & I will cry if I want too!

What a week we have had! I mean seriously a crazy week & it's only Wednesday night! Let me start at the beginning...

Start off on Monday, S-man was out of school so I thought I would do a fun thing with the boys! We took their favorite "bear" from Build-A-Bear (which is a Dino for S-man & a cow for D-D) to the store & let them pick out new pjs for them. I had a coupon so it wasn't to expensive & something fun too do! I did a few other errands while out & then started noticing S-Man was coughing an awful lot! I felt his head & he felt a little warm so I thought I would take him to the doctor thinking it was another ear infection. Plus I figured it was a good day since he was already out of school. So I called the office & had to drive 30 mins all the way BACK into town (from where we had just come) because their satellite office was booked up! Wait an hour & a half, spend 5 mins with the doctor who said it's just a cold! Seriously, wait for that long, drive back into town, $30 copay & there was nothing wrong with him! Let me tell you I hate having to take the kids to the doctor & while I am so grateful that he's not sick, it's annoying to me to go & nothing be wrong! None the less yesterday he was back at school & D-D & I went to momMEtime at our church!

Thought it was all over & behind us...yeah then this morning he woke up with a rash all over his stomach & top of his legs! GREAT! Now what! So I kept him home just in case it was something contagious. Called the doctor this morning & waited 4 hrs before I finally heard back from them! Of course I needed to bring him in because it sounded like a strep rash! SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I have to stop right here & tell you that while I was concerned about him I truly thought it was because I started using a new fabric softener & he just had a reaction to it! But better safe than sorry, back to the doctor AGAIN! An hour later after a strep test the verdict...
REACTION TO FABRIC SOFTENER!
So 2 hrs, $30 copay again, & another drive to the doctor & it's a reaction to the fabric softener! AHHHHHHHHH!!

I sound like I am not happy that my son is fine, really & truly I am so glad he's okay! I am so thankful for doctors, insurance, etc, I am just frustrated! Okay I am done now...I am just venting to you all, because hey it's my blog & I will cry if I want too!

So what did you do yesterday?

I have no clue what happened! I posted a whole thing about yesterday & my doctors appt, then somehow I managed to delete it! I will try to rewrite what I said!

---------------------------------------

Me? Let's see I was up by 7 & in the playroom/old nursery by 7:30 taking down the border in there! Had to leave by 9 for my 9:30 doctors appt (more on that below)! Met up with my bff at 10 to get her son, C, so I could watch him yesterday for her! Home by 11 after a quick trip to Home Depot for another gallon of paint! The kids had lunch & were down for naps by 11:45 & I had started painting by 12. Painting continued until 3:30 when I was finally done & exhausted! But it was a great productive day! Made even better by getting to go hang out with my girlfriends & watch "The Bachelor"(OMG!!! DeAnna comes back?!?!?! For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about then just ignore the last 2 lines!)

Anyway, on to more important details...the doctors appt. You know this whole time, while still sad, I have been at such peace about us deciding to be done. And I still am, but I go in there & I am immediately crying about it! I haven't cried in days about it, but as soon as I am in front of my wonderful doctor the tears start a flowing! It's really not that surprising because I am definitely a crier but I was surprised still! Anyway I digress, on to what he wants me to do now! So he put me on OrthoTricycleneLo & said he feels like when I am absolutely 100% sure that then we need to do a Endometrial Ablation & a Tubal. I came home last night & started looking stuff up about it & I really know I shouldn't do that because it will just scare you to death but I just don't know what to do! I was wondering if anyone out there in my wonderful bloggy land of friends have had either of these & what your outcome was?

The other interesting thing I found out is I have now been officially diagnosed with PCOS! I have always thought I might have this but it's weird to be officially dx with it! So now I am learning all about PCOS, you know on top of the fact that I already have endometriosis! From everything I am reading (again online which is probably bad) it's even more AMAZING that we have the 2 children we do! Endometriosis, only have one ovary due to Endometriosis, and now PCOS! Tell me theres not a God, seriously because I would love to tell you my story & prove you wrong! My God is the Ultimate Physician, the Creator of Life & He chose to bless me with the 2 miracle boys I have! I just can't tell you how much more blessed I feel! It's truly amazing what our God can do & I won't stop praising Him for it!

Movin' On

****Thank you all so much for your encouragement & promises of prayers! I will never be able to thank all of you enough for all you have done! I feel so blessed to be apart of the great bloggy community!****

It's funny how life is always movin'. Your physically movin' from one place to another, typically in a rush! Or maybe emotionally movin' or even spiritually your movin'. It just always seems to me that we are movin'. I am not making any sense am I? Let me explain...

We are movin'...no not to a new house or city but we are movin' out of the baby days! This past month makes 6 months on Clomid & we are at a decision time. Where will the next path lead us. It's been such a whirlwind of emotions. With D-D, I was prego on the 2nd month of Clomid! This time around of course I did get prego but as most of you know I lost that baby! And I just don't know if I can go through that heartache again.
So that means we are at a fork in the road!

I am at the point now where the next step would be a fertility specialist, which we decided long ago not to go that road. I know what's wrong with me, I have endometriosis & only one ovary. (Let me tell you it's a miracle in & of it's self that we have 2 kids!) Since we weren't going the route of the specialist, now it's decision time. And trust me it has been one of the hardest decisions of my life for a few reasons. The first & biggest is, I have always wanted a girl, I love my boys dearly but there is a corner of my heart that has always desired a girl. Another reason is I feel so blessed to have the kids we do, why stop now? And part of me just hasn't felt "done"! So a big part, doesn't want to let go of that dream.

But it's time...It's a new year & time to get movin' on. I have been praying constantly for what is the right decision, & if it's not God's desire for us to have more kids then for Him to give me a peace. And He has. In only a way that HE can, I have peace. Now don't get me wrong, I still have moments were I hurt & cry for a lost dream, but there is a constant peace along with it. It's a peace I don't understand but am so thankful to have. I am thanking God for the blessings I have in S-man & D-D! For what they bring to my life & enrich it! I am thanking God for the blessing of our 3rd child even if they weren't meant to live with us here on earth! I am thanking God for allowing me to even have children, after being told I probably won't be able too! I am thanking & praising my Ultimate Physician, my Prince of Peace, my Father, for He has blessed me beyond all measure! **I have chills!**

Anyway, I go to the doc on Monday to figure out what we should do now (surgery, birth control, or what?) I am trying to focus on the good things like:

*Easier/or no cycles

*No more diapers (once D-D is completely potty trained)

*No more formula/baby food

*The $$$ we will get from selling all the clothes/crib/toys/etc (come on ya know that's a perk!)

*The fact that it seems a lot of the world is made for families of 4, 5 might be an odd number to deal with

*We can comfortably stay in the house we have now for a long while

*The boys can have their own room

*Getting to redo the nursery into a "big boy room"

I know there are more but those are what come to mind right now. So tonight I pulled out a few bags of old baby clothes & started going through them! Time to tag em' & move em' on out for our local consignment sale coming up!

I would like to ask a favor! Would you pray for me? I know I will still have sad days remembering a lost dream, but would you continue to pray for peace for me! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your love & support! I feel truly blessed to be apart of this community & love all of you dearly! Thank you for your friendship!

Philippians 4:7

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."