****Thank you all so much for your encouragement & promises of prayers! I will never be able to thank all of you enough for all you have done! I feel so blessed to be apart of the great bloggy community!****
It's funny how life is always movin'. Your physically movin' from one place to another, typically in a rush! Or maybe emotionally movin' or even spiritually your movin'. It just always seems to me that we are movin'. I am not making any sense am I? Let me explain...
We are movin'...no not to a new house or city but we are movin' out of the baby days! This past month makes 6 months on Clomid & we are at a decision time. Where will the next path lead us. It's been such a whirlwind of emotions. With D-D, I was prego on the 2nd month of Clomid! This time around of course I did get prego but as most of you know I lost that baby! And I just don't know if I can go through that heartache again.
So that means we are at a fork in the road!
I am at the point now where the next step would be a fertility specialist, which we decided long ago not to go that road. I know what's wrong with me, I have endometriosis & only one ovary. (Let me tell you it's a miracle in & of it's self that we have 2 kids!) Since we weren't going the route of the specialist, now it's decision time. And trust me it has been one of the hardest decisions of my life for a few reasons. The first & biggest is, I have always wanted a girl, I love my boys dearly but there is a corner of my heart that has always desired a girl. Another reason is I feel so blessed to have the kids we do, why stop now? And part of me just hasn't felt "done"! So a big part, doesn't want to let go of that dream.
But it's time...It's a new year & time to get movin' on. I have been praying constantly for what is the right decision, & if it's not God's desire for us to have more kids then for Him to give me a peace. And He has. In only a way that HE can, I have peace. Now don't get me wrong, I still have moments were I hurt & cry for a lost dream, but there is a constant peace along with it. It's a peace I don't understand but am so thankful to have. I am thanking God for the blessings I have in S-man & D-D! For what they bring to my life & enrich it! I am thanking God for the blessing of our 3rd child even if they weren't meant to live with us here on earth! I am thanking God for allowing me to even have children, after being told I probably won't be able too! I am thanking & praising my Ultimate Physician, my Prince of Peace, my Father, for He has blessed me beyond all measure! **I have chills!**
Anyway, I go to the doc on Monday to figure out what we should do now (surgery, birth control, or what?) I am trying to focus on the good things like:
*Easier/or no cycles
*No more diapers (once D-D is completely potty trained)
*No more formula/baby food
*The $$$ we will get from selling all the clothes/crib/toys/etc (come on ya know that's a perk!)
*The fact that it seems a lot of the world is made for families of 4, 5 might be an odd number to deal with
*We can comfortably stay in the house we have now for a long while
*The boys can have their own room
*Getting to redo the nursery into a "big boy room"
I know there are more but those are what come to mind right now. So tonight I pulled out a few bags of old baby clothes & started going through them! Time to tag em' & move em' on out for our local consignment sale coming up!
I would like to ask a favor! Would you pray for me? I know I will still have sad days remembering a lost dream, but would you continue to pray for peace for me! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your love & support! I feel truly blessed to be apart of this community & love all of you dearly! Thank you for your friendship!
Philippians 4:7
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
