It's 1:33 am & I can't sleep. I want to first thank each & everyone of you who commented or emailed me! Your prayers have been felt & the love of people I have never "met" has amazed me! I can't believe all the love that has come our way! Our Sunday School class that has signed up to bring us dinner every night this week. My dear friends from church that have called me daily to check on me & even offering to come do my laundry & mop my floors! My best friend who came over Saturday morning, crawled in bed beside me & wept with me. Goodness knows she has tried to make me eat & get me out of the house, which she did finally manage to do tonight! And my husband who has held me & wiped away my tears. He is my constant support & love, I don't know what I would do without him!
I can never thank any of you enough, I love you all dearly!
Like I said I can't sleep so I thought I would write (or type) down what I was feeling. Every time I tried to lay down, my mind would race. Why did I lose this baby? Why did this happen to us? What did I do wrong? Was it when I moved furniture? Or maybe that cold medicine I took? Or even the drugs I take for my migraines? What happened? Sure I didn't know I was pregnant when I did those things but I should have right? Now I know in my head that I couldn't have prevented this & that I didn't "cause" it, but it doesn't stop my heart from questioning.
The thing I don't question is that Jesus Knows Me...This I Love. He knows my heart better than I do! He knows my desires, my heartache, my strength, my weakness, my every movement, every hair on my head. He knows everything about me, & He still loves me. I don't question that He does have a plan for me, even when I can't see it, He does. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." In these days of uncertainty & heartache I am clinging to this with every ounce of strength left in me! My God has a plan & I choose to trust in Him. I will still have hard days, I will still have pain but I know that He will hold me up when I feel I can't stand anymore. And do you know why?
Because Jesus Knows Me...This I Love.
I love that you are certain of His love for you. I'm also so glad for all the support you are getting from Him, friends and family. Take care and hang in there!
ReplyDeleteCountryMom
He does love you indeed! We will never know God's reasons until we meet him one fine day but I am sure that he is using this to help others. By reading your blog, I can see and admire the strength you have and the love you have in Jesus. This inspires me and renews my strength and resolve to follow Him.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry girl. sending love and prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteHe does love you so very very much! Praying you feel His arms wrapping so very tightly around you as He carries you through this storm.
ReplyDeleteHe is holding you in the palm of His hand. He is mourning and hurting with you. He lives in your heart. Never fear that you are alone.
ReplyDelete{{Hugs}}
My prayers for peace and acceptance during this painful time.
Jesus does love you, and He's holding you close right now. May you continue to find your comfort in Him. You're in our thoughts. -CityMom
ReplyDeleteYes, he does love you. And that very verse helped me many times while grieving my loss. It always helped me to remember that He cried as I cried. He knows our heart and feels our pain. Our God is amazing.
ReplyDeleteRest your weary mind, heart and soul in the knowledge that God knows best (easier said than done, I know). And remember, there are many of your friends praying for you and willing to be there to wipe your tears.
Sending you BIG hugs your way!
Come on over to my blog; you have an award waiting for you! =)
ReplyDeleteStill catching up...
ReplyDeleteYes, God does love you!! I hope that you've been able to get some sleep since this post. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now.
Please know that you are on my mind and in my prayers!